Austin Lindy Hop
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Austin Lindy Hop
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| There are lots of things to say about etiquette, but the gist is the following: Be excellent to each other.1. Anyone may ask anyone to dance, and anyone may refuse at any time, for any reason, and change their minds later if they want.
a. Beginners may (and should) ask anyone to dance, just like anyone else. b. Ladies, you MAY (and should) ask guys to dance. c. If you don't want to dance, politely say so and move on. d. Don't get snippy if someone declines a dance. 1) Especially if someone hurts you or yanks you around, or pays no attention to you when you dance with them, you are not obligated to dance with them again simply because you showed up at a dance. 2) Avoid treating your partner like a tool so that they will enjoy the dance and want to dance with you again.) e. You may, but are not encouraged to, dance with someone after declining someone else.
2. It's a close-contact dance... always have good hygiene.3. Pay attention to your partner; don't show-off at his/her expense.4. It's not fun until you screw-up. Laugh it off and keep having fun.5. Take more dance lessons, even when you think you do not need them.Legislative comments: "Etiquette" is the sort of stuff(iness) that reminds one of the European Ballroom tradition that Lindy Hoppers rather intentionally left behind back in the 1930s. To roughly quote Jack In the Box, we're Americans: we are real, fun-loving, hard-working, non-stuffy types; accordingly, we do not spend half our brain-capacity remembering silly little etiquette rules that most people will try to manipulate to their own selfish, uppity advantage, anyway. It is not a mere coincidence that the legends of the era when Rules of Court prevailed are accompanied by some of the most devious, deceitful, manipulative, nefarious tales of misconduct ever recorded. There is nothing except a good will that cannot be corrupted by bad intentions, even well-intended rules of etiquette. People can follow the letter of those rules and still be awful people. So, as Bill and Ted said, just... Be excellent to each other.Put simply, in the Lindy world, there are no "rules of court" to which you must conform in order to dance and have fun. Following the guidance of Immanuel Kant and Bill & Ted should leave you somewhere close to the right side of the law. But this company was founded by a reformed attorney, so the explanation can't simply end there. Here are five simple applications of how to apply that rule, although, of course, a jerk could probably misinterpret them, as well, and run amok with them. They are aimed simply at giving newcomers some understanding of what to expect when dancing. 1. Anyone may ask anyone to dance, and anyone may refuse at any time, for any reason, and change their minds later if they want.Many Lindy Hoppers preach some sort of high-minded etiquette about how and when to properly ask someone to dance: often phrased in sexist terms indicating that men do all the asking, and women just sit and coyly wait for Prince Charming, but must accept all comers in the meantime, even if they smell foul and frequently rip the arms off their partners. Bolderdash. This is a free country, and that freedom does not end when you go out dancing: it should only increase. This tidbit entails the following: a. Beginners may (and should) ask anyone to dance, just like anyone else. We all started somewhere, ourselves, so there is really no need to worry that you are not "good enough." Most good dancers appreciate your pain and will thus try make it rather easy for you to dance with them. If they don't, and if they cop an attitude, understand that it is THEIR problem, not yours. b. Ladies, you MAY (and should) ask guys to dance. To quote a favorite movie, "Guys LOVE it when you do that." You need not do so, but don't complain that nobody asks you to dance if you can't reciprocate. Times have changed. This is a woman's world we live in. You need not wait for a man to ask you to do what you want to do, anymore. c. If you don't want to dance, politely say so and move on. You also are not at the whim of anyone who asks you to dance simply by showing up at a dance. Don't be a jerk, but you need not be a slave, either. It is nice and praise-worthy to "accept all comers," but don't consider yourself obliged to do so if you feel otherwise. The flip side of this rule is that... d. You should not get snippy if someone declines a dance. Give them a try later on. Don't take it so personally, and don't be too sensitive. 1) Especially if someone hurts you or yanks you around, or pays no attention to you when you dance with them, you are not obligated to dance with them again simply because you showed up at a dance. Sometimes, people should be given a hint that their dancing hurts or offends others by noting that nobody wants to dance with them. (The flip side of this rule is to avoid treating your partner like a tool so that they will enjoy the dance and want to dance with you again.) That said.... e. You may, but are not encouraged to, dance with someone after declining someone else. Some claim it is outright and unconditionally rude to dance with someone after turning down someone else, which is understandable: the first person might take offense. However, again, you are not at the mercy of everyone simply because you attend a dance. Just as you don't need to talk to people at a Bar who creep you out, and you also don't need to hold hands with some creep for three to five minutes during a dance just because you attend. We might even suggest that most people who propose such a "rule of etiquette" are in need of that very rule to get people to dance and socialize with them, but we digress. There are a thousand neutral, non-offensive reasons why someone could decline a dance and then dance with someone else later that song. They could be tired when you asked, and rested a minute later. They might not like the intro-melody to a five-minute song, only to love the middle of it when the solos kick in, when you are off dancing merrily with someone else. They might be feeling sappy and romantic at the moment and thus not want to dance with the hyperactive dancer that they otherwise are thrilled to dance with when they are in a different, more upbeat mood; or they might feel hyper and not want to dance with that dashing Fred Astaire type who would knock their socks off if they felt a bit more romantic. Silence is ambiguous, so don't presume nefarious motives for declining a dance on anyone unless you have good reason to do so. Of course, they just might not like the way you smell, in which case you should remember that.... 2. It's a close-contact dance... always have good hygiene.I'm not a fan of paranoia. Sometimes, I let it get too much a hold of me. But not here. Here is one area where a little bit of paranoia can go a long way to solving or preventing, not aggravating, problems. What does that mean? Lather up when you shower. Use deodorant LIBERALLY when you dance. Use mints if you smoke, and sometimes even if you don't. Bring and wear clean, dry shirts if you sweat. Consider wearing synthetic fiber clothing because they do not absorb perspiration that can wipe off on your next dance partner; contrary to cotton, synthetic fibers instead allow perspiration to quickly evaporate. In short, try to feel like you could be in a Proctor and Gamble commercial for Dial or Sure. If you are from Europe or something (ahem!) and don't know what I mean, watch some good ole American commercial television and take note of all the clean, fresh-looking (and "must-be-fresh-smelling") American role models we fashion ourselves after daily. I'm kinda joking, but really... I'm not. 3. Pay attention to your partner; don't show-off at his/her expense.Always try to dance at your partner's level. Look at and pay attention to your partner, not the crowd around you, hoping they catch a glimpse of the cool moves you are throwing out. 4. It's not fun until you screw-up.Mistakes and gaffs are part of the game, and usually the best way to break the ice and get things back on track of just having some fun. There is no need to get so uptight about dancing perfectly (or above your level) that you forget that the whole point is to have fun, not win a dance contest or impress someone. It is good to pay attention to your dancing skilz so as to get the most out of it (the most out of the connection and communication with your partner, and your connection with the music), but not to the point that you forget to have fun. Impress them with your kindness and fun-loving nature, not your dancing ability. As it so often goes in other areas of life, those who focus obsessively on impressing others with their dancing ironically reveal a bit too much about how little fun and kindness they have in their hearts. You probably don't want to be mistaken for one of them, so lighten up and enjoy yourself. 5. Take more dance lessons, even when you think you do not need them.O.K., this is an unabashed plug for taking lessons with us, but it is still very apt advice. So here is one of the few times we will be honest and frank about it and say to everyone collectively what we might never say to any individual no matter how bad they are: "You need to take some dance lessons." Seriously, a very meaningful way to "be excellent to each other" when dancing is, simply, to be a good dancer: to learn how much or how little strength, frame, and energy goes into being a good leader or good follower; to learn how to play within the framework of the dance and the music; to learn the difference between slow and fast dancing, athletic and romantic dancing, touch and "no-touch" zones of the body; and to learn how to really lead and follow at a high level instead of, well... pretending or assuming that you know how. As in learning how to play basketball, you want to learn how to do as much as you can to play the game enthusiastically and athletically, but without "fouling." Although it is all about having fun, and you should not let the desire to be good get in the way of having fun, a great deal of the fun of dancing stems from delving deeper and deeper into the mysteries about how dancing connects you with both the music and your partner in ways that you would never imagine until you do it. Unlike what some dumb Hollywood movies might preach when they profess that "it is all about THE DANCE," it is really all about what the dance can do for you and how it can enhance your appreciation of music as well as interact with others in a new way. You are quite literally learning a new language--a new way to communicate non-verbally--and should not stop learning about the language after you essentially know only a bunch of key phrases/moves. As with most skilled pastimes, the better you get, the more fun you (and your partners) will have.
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